BTS: Are we part of the problem or the solution; dealing with grudges, anger and disturbances-Part - 1

Posted by dinesh

"Question: Can you discuss the distinction between feeling disturbed
and holding a grudge?' Answer: Try to understand the meaning of the
word "grudge" which goes beyond a feeling of disturbance. It is not
our view to accept any concocted standard and consider it ok. No. We
have a spiritual science with specific standards, and we are supposed
to constantly examine and analyse: what is the siddhanta (proper
conclusion), what does the sastra say, what is the proper activity of
sadhus, what is the guru's instruction? We have to be very
scrutinizing and not neglect the structures and standards. Parampara
means knowledge transmitted from the spiritual realm, coming down
through the disciplic succession. We have definitive standards.
However there is a difference between trying to rectify an improper
behavior for the benefit of the other person, or seeing that improper
behavior and just becoming angry and vindictive toward a person. In
the second case, we are creating the disturbance. Instead, we should
find a way to make a positive change. We can find ways to talk to
people more productively, help them serve in better ways, or see what
we need to change in ourselves so that we can better facilitate our
peers. We can often change others by changing something within
ourselves. That will have a powerful effect on those we associate
with. We can approach people and think, "What do I need to do to help
this individual get free from their bad habits? What do I need to
change in myself to instill trust in the heart of a person, to inspire
them to work with me more? What do I need to do to help this person be
more of a team player?" We tend to think, "What does this person need
to do for me so that I can trust trust him?" If both parties are
thinking in a humble way, it is easy to have harmony. If both parties
refuse to think humbly, at least someone should think that way. The
humble person will make all of the difference. It does not matter
which one of us thinks that way. "What do I need to change in myself
to help improve the situation?" Whoever is thinking in that way will
have a positive effect, and they are going to advance more than the
person who is mired in negative considerations. Such negative persons
remain at narrow limits and are not thinking outside of themselves. We
need to think, "What do I need to change in my mentality so that
things will be better between this person and me?" It is unhealthy to
think, "What do I need to do so that this person will accept what I
want? What do I need to do to get this person out of my life?" We want
to forgive others; we want to help others; we want to understnad
others because we want to be forgiven and helped and understood
ourselves. If we are not ready to reach out and help others, why
should someone help us? You would be suprised how many bums in the
streets were once wealthy politicians or businessmen in previous
lives. Because of so many sinful activities, they have become like
vagabonds, street derelicts. Srila Prabhupada told us that an
astrologer saw the destination of Nehru, who had been a prime minister
in India, and an extremely matterialistic individual who was attracted
to western culture and insulting towards spiritualists. The asrologer
saw that this leader came back in his next life as a dog living in
Sweden. The astrologer claimed that the Swedish man had two dogs and
one of them was Nehru. Nehru was attracted to Western standards and
values, and apparently he took birth in one of he most materially
developed countries in the world, which, as a nation, is characterized
by atheistic values. He came back in a plush, economically strong and
financially sound country with values opposed to spiritual life, as a
dog. This is an extreme example, but it indicates to us that we do
want to develop deeper compassion, because we see that people are
undergoing heavy karmic reactions due to offenses or other kinds of
deviation. The result is that they are placed in a very unfortunate
state of existence. We do not deny the fact that such an existence is
wretched, but at the same time we may be creating a wretched situation
for ourselves when we hold a grudge against another devotee with whom
we do not agree. We do not have to agree with them and we do not have
to accept what they are thinking. However, if we are holding a grudge
and are not trying to understand how that devotee is feeling and
thinking, then there is a tendency to think: "That person bothers me.
He or she simply gives me trouble in my mental or physical space." It
is almost as if we want to expose that person and show just how
ridiculous he or she is. We want revenge because we feel that he or
she has caused us some inconvenience and disturbance. It is a matter
of changing the polarity and not being simply absorbed in thinking
about our own security, shelter, or confidence. We need to examine
what else is happening here.