Marriage & Sannyasa By Gopisvari Devi Dasi

Posted by dinesh

"Question: What should one do in a case where the husband has no
desire to take care of his children or his wife, but feels he wants
freedom to pursue sannyasa. He feels family life is attachment and
interferring with his advancement? Answer: Why dont you get a broom
and beat him over the head! He is not an example of detachment;
rather, he is running away from responsibility. In some cases, a
person is detached because they are bored with their old wife and with
their tedious responsibilities. There were cases in which a grhastha
would ask Srila Prabhupada for sannyasa, but he refused them because
he understood the underlying reasons. They used sannyasa as an excuse
to run away from responsibility. In some cases, a husband might act
detached from his wife, but if we look closer, we willl see that he
has strong attachment to other women and other forms of sense
gratification. Obviosly he is not really detached. Detachment does not
just mean detachment from the externals of sense gratification; it
means attachment to the service and worship of Krishna. When that type
of detachment occurs, then the person can offer more to any
relationship. It should not be that a person marries. has two or three
children, and then decides that it is too much responsibility. Our
institution has currently made it more difficult for a person to just
decide that they want to walk out of a relationship to take sannyasa.
If someone wants to take sannyasa but they have children, they have to
make clear and healthy arrangements for the wiffe and children. In the
past some men would pursue the idea of sannyasa without giving any
consideraton to their wife and children. Then the husband would leave,
take sannyasa, and travell all over the world while the family is left
struggling. Then the wife gets angry at the husband and the movement,
and in some cases, even leaves the movement. Renunciation should not
be avoidance of responsibilty. Of course, in some cases a person has a
romantic idea of householder life, and after they enter the asrama,
they find out that it is not quite what they imagined. However they
made a commitment and they should follow through. Some of the best
householders in the movement are those who have learned how to deal
with conflicts and who are completely aware of the illusory aspects of
householder life. The husband and wife have grown to understand each
other, and they understand the need to protect each other and work
together in preaching and service. They are completely devoid of this
idealism that causes the person to go to the other extreme. People who
have a romantic conception of marriage will want a divorce when it
does not unfold according to their own desires." Bhakti Tirtha Swami,
Reflections on Sacred Teachings, Vol 5, Principle 30, Srila
Bhaktisiddhanta's 64 pronciples of Community, page 104