The Need To Be Respected Is Far Greater Than The Need To Be Guided !!! By Rohan Shanti Shukla

Posted by dinesh

Even before she could learn to possess, she was asked to share. When
she was barely five, she was asked to make sacrifices for the sake of
her brother who was just two. She was still a kid, but her parents
expected her to play the role of a responsible older sister. Thirty
years later, she has a family to her own; so does her brother. She
still feels responsible for her younger brother. She still advices
him… interferes whenever there are ripples in her brother's marriage,
advices her brother's wife on what to feed the child, and how to
parent the child. She is still making sacrifices, but what is she
getting in return? Heartaches, sleepless night and copious tears over
being treated with indifference. Why? Her brother is old enough to
make his own decisions. Even if some of his decisions go wrong, he
feels they are his learning ground. The sister-in-law regards her as
unwanted interference in her marriage. She believes she should have
the freedom to parents her children the way she wants and detests and
idea of others interfering under the guise of being older to her. From
the first word uttered to the first word written to the first steps he
walked… the father played an active part in it. For the son, his dad
was always a superman, a hero and the only role model he wanted to
emulate. Even the son's career counseling was done by Dad. The son
went on to become a first- generation entrepreneur and again it was
his dad who guided him. Today, the son is a celebrated industrialist.
Even today, the Dad waits up every evening to know what happened at
work, but the son feels claustrophobic. He feels that his dad should
give him more space. Dad is going through spells of depression because
he's not getting the same attention he used to get from his son. Dad
feels that he's not needed anymore. The effect of this is showing up
on his health – he is beginning to age a little faster. You can always
be a sister, but you cannot always play the sister. You will always be
loved as a parent, but you cannot always play the parent. Beyond a
point, not everybody can accept a holier-than-thou' approach. A
three-year-old expects to be respected in a certain way and the three-
year-old needs to be respected that way. At three, not being given the
choice of clothes she wants to wear is interpreted by her as not being
respected. At ten, the son wants to read the menu card by himself and
place the order. That to him is his idea of being respected. As a
teenager, she wants to choose her friends; and her parents respecting
her choice of friends is her sense of being respected. Now that he has
worked with you for a few years, he wants to take a few decisions by
himself, and your not overruling his decisions is his sense of being
respected. Every age and every phase of life has some sense of respect
associated with it, and you need to respect that. Through the
intentions may be noble, sometimes our attempt to guide people,
especially unasked for, makes them feel not respected. The need to be
respected is far greater then the need to be guided. Make others feel
respected… let this be your choice. They will take your guidance… let
this be their choice. To live is to live fearlessly. When you have
nothing to hide, you have nothing to avoid. True freedom is found only
in transparent living. The greatest compliment one can give oneself is
to declare, "I am an open book."