---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: ISKCON DC <ISKCON.DC@pamho.net>
Date: Wed, 3 Aug 2011 19:45 +0530
Subject: Turmoil of Youth, within the Family: Inquiries Digest 355
To:

Digest 355: August 3rd, 2011. Answers by His Holiness Romapada Swami Maharaja
You are invited to send your questions to His Holiness Romapada Swami at
iskcondcr@gmail.com with the word "Question" included in the subject line or
submit your question at http://www.romapadaswami.com/?q=feedback/Question.

Turmoil of Youth, within the Family
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731) I have a concern about my attitude with my family these days. I have
been arguing about almost everything and it is really hard for me to
control. Half the problem is solved because I realized that the reason I can
even talk back to them is because I don't have respect for them in my heart.
The other half is I don't know how to develop the respect again for them.

What should I do?

Answer. You are half way to reaching a solution already! A major part of any
interpersonal conflict is recognizing our own contribution to that conflict.
The position of an aspiring young spiritualist is to immediately look
within, whenever there is something that makes us uncomfortable in our
interactions with others. Try first to see where there may be impurity
within ourselves that is prompting an unpleasant dyanamic within our exchanges.

Applying this spiritual advice is sometimes most difficult when interacting
with those closest to us! This is due to the 'Familiarity Principle', where
respect is diminished due to misapplied familiarity.

You are looking for a solution: how to regain respect for family members
that has been lost. Here are some suggestions.

1. One approach could be to turn the table around: consciously +
deliberately act towards your family members in such a way that they will
respect *YOU*.

HINT: Based on what you described above, your behavior and attitude of
constant arguing is likely provoking your family members. Consequently,
their respect for you may very well have diminished.

If, however, your family sees you shifting to a different position, wherein
you are acting with dignity and vaisnava decorum -- naturally they will
communicate with you differently, both verbally and nonverbally.

2. Another approach could be for you to daily enter into your private
journal one appreciation daily for each of your family members, or at least
one of them. "What do my family members do as a gesture of sacrifice and
love for me? What kindness do they extend to me? What are ways in which I am
indebted to + should feel gratitude for what they mean in my life?" Do this
privately, but invest some time/thought into this exercise. Do it sincerely.

Then, you might go one step further: privately, quietly, do one thing in the
course of each day that is an inner expression of your gratitude towards
them for their sacrifices and kindness. [Do not meditate on how they may
imprefectly do those things; instead, look to the purpose behind the
sacrifice they make for you and/or for others.]

Finally, you can eventually directly express your gratitude!

3. How about this: invest some discretionary time in distributing Srila
Prabhupada's books with other devotees. Guaranteed, your qualities of
humility and compassion for others will greatly increase by distribution of
books. Then too, when you are back at home, you will appreciate even more
the good fortune you have to be living in a devotee family! I guarantee it!

There are additional approaches, but you might try these for now.

**************************
Digests 1-354 are available with subject classification at
http://www.romapadaswami.com/?q=inquiries
Digest 1-242 are included as a PDF file at:
http://www.romapadaswami.com/Inquiries/IITA_full.pdf
Lectures: http://www.romapadaswami.com/?q=audio
Brief biography of His Holiness Romapada Swami:
http://www.romapadaswami.com/?q=HHRPS_bio
**************************

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--
Yours
Dinesh

Turmoil of Youth, within the Family: Inquiries Digest 355