This Life...

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This Life...

via Bhava Bhakti devi dasi by Bhava Bhakti dd on 18/12/09

Amara Jivana (This Life)

By Shrila Bhaktivinoda Thakura

amara jivana, sada pape rata,

nahika punyera lesha

parere udvega, diyachi je kata,

diyachi jivere klesha (1)

Throughout my whole life I have been addicted to sin, never performing any pious activities. I have simply been a source of disturbance and suffering for others.

nija sukha lagi', pape nahi dari,

daya-hina svartha-para

para sukhe duhkhi, sada mithya-bhashi,

para-duhkha sukha kara (2)

For my own pleasure I never fear to commit any sin. I am devoid of pity and full of selfishness; I'm sorry at others' happiness and am an inveterate liar. Indeed, I take delight in others' miseries.

ashesha kamana, hridi majhe mora,

krodhi dambha-parayana

mada-matta sada, vishaye mohita,

himsa-garva vibhushana (3)

Endless are the selfish desires in my heart. I am prone to anger and devoted to arrogance. Intoxicated by conceit and deluded by attraction to sense pleasure, I ornament myself with pride and envy.

nidralasya-hata, sukarye virata,

akarye udyogi ami

pratishtha lagiya, shathya-acarana,

lobha-hata sada kami (4)

Afflicted by laziness and sleep, adverse to pious activities, I delight to perform any harmful act to obtain name and fame. I am very adept in duplicity, always lusty and degraded by mundane greed.

e hena durjana, sajjana-varjita,

aparadhi nirantara

shubha-karya-shunya, sadanartha-mana,

nana duhkhe jara jara (5)

Being such a miscreant and rejected by saintly persons, I have become a repeated offender. I never do good deeds but am inclined only to bad habits. Thus, I am oppressed by so many miseries.

vardhakye ekhana, upaya vihina,

ta'te dina akincana

bhakativinoda, prabhura carane,

kare duhkha nivedana (6)

Now in old age I am rendered helpless, reduced to a fallen and destitute condition. Bhaktivinoda presents his sad case at the feet of the Lord.