he Ideal Grihastha

is a


Sri Srimad Gour Govinda Swami



means that there is some concession

for material enjoyment, sexual enjoyment. But

there is some restriction. Unless one has practiced


, he cannot become a real gåhastha.

He becomes

gåha-vrata, gåhamedhé. He becomes

attached to home, hearth, wife, son, daughter, to the

last breath of his life. He cannot leave it.



is up to the fiftieth year. Until the fiftieth

year one can remain in

gåha and get some sexual

enjoyment. This enjoyment, that enjoyment. Sons,

daughters, and so much burden will be there. He

will not be able to sleep at night, crying, crying,

crying. The wife's demands, son's demands, and

daughter's demands will all be there. So the old

man feels, "Oh, they are devouring me. I earn this

much money and there are so many demands.

What shall I do?"

Now he has gained this bad experience. Therefore

it is said,

dillékä laòòü — jo khäye woh

pacchtäye, jo na khäye woh bhi pacchtäye

. This

is a famous saying in Hindi: There is a famous

variety of

laòòü in Delhi. One who has eaten

it, he laments. One who has not eaten, he too

laments. Yes. One who has become a


he has already eaten it. What is that

laòòü? It is

this enjoyment, sexual enjoyment. One who has

tasted it, he says, 'I have already experienced it.

Oh! No more, no more, no more!'

There is a story. There was a jackal who saw a

jungle of sweet sugarcane. He entered into it with

a desire to eat. There he saw a beehive that was

round in shape. He thought, "Oh, this is the fruit

of sugarcane. Sugarcane is so sweet, therefore the

fruit must be much sweeter, so I must eat the fruit

first, then I'll eat the sugarcane." So he tried to eat

it and immediately wasps came out, stinging him.

"Ohh! No more, no more, no more eating."

Therefore, in order to gain some experience,

one is allowed to become a

gåhastha. Guru says,

'All right, go and become a

gåhastha. Accept a

wife and gain some experience. Enjoy and get the

reaction. Then you'll say, 'No more, no more, no

more!' and give up this thing.' If the guru observes

that he has material desires and cannot remain


throughout life, he is allowed to

marry. He has already practiced celibacy during his


period. So unless one becomes a good


, he cannot become a proper gåhastha.

He becomes a

gåhamedhé, attached to home and

hearth, wife, son, daughter, and all other enjoyment.

He is



, which means that he has

not controlled his senses.

punaù punaç carvitacarvaëänäm

— again and again he is chewing the

chewed [

Bhäg. 7.5.30].


is also a brahmacäré. He is known


upakurväëa-brahmacäré. Two types of brahmacärés

are there:

naiñöika-brahmacäré, and


Both strictly follow the

rules and regulations of the

brahmacäré äçrama

and become free from all material desires. A strict


is free from all material desires. brähmaëo

'gnir iva jvalan

— A brähmaëa who observes

the great vow of celibacy becomes brilliant like

fire [

Bhäg. 11.17.36]. He is not allowed to accept


He remains in

guru-gåha, the ashram of

the guru, till the end of his life. He is a proper candidate


sannyäsa. The purpose of marriage is to

accept a wife who will produce a worthy son. A son

who is a

kåñëa-bhakta, a vaiñëava son, who will

render service to the senses of Krishna.

— Lecture in Bhubaneswar. 12 April 1995.
Source: KKBindu


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