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My New Year's Resolution

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Awakening that original hope!

(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 30th Dec 2011, Munich, Germany) Lecture: Caitanya-caritāmṛta Adi 9-48

Devotional service captures the heart. It awakens a long dormant hope. In our hearts there is always this dormant hope for happiness. Maybe once when we were children we thought, yes, we will find it, but we didn't. Then we became adult, and as adults we come through this point life when we realise:

"Well, you cannot always get what you want, and you have to settle for the reality and so on."

So we settle for compromise. But this fruit of love of God, or fruit of devotional service awakens that original hope! That actually it may be possible after all to be fully satisfied. It awakens the very natural desire in us!

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Anchoring our vows

(Kadamba Kanana Maharaja, Dec 2011, Cape Town, SA) We have to build a very solid spiritual life. Vows don't stand by themselves. Just like a pole put in the sand doesn't stand very firm unless it is anchored in a strong foundation. Either you have to anchor it with a big concrete block on the ground or you have to put lines on four sides to sort of anchor it otherwise with time it will fall over. So we find that the vows in spiritual life also need to be anchored; they need support lines and a foundation then the forces of material nature will not knock over these vows. So the interesting part is that what was sort of relatively easy in the beginning… In the beginning you follow these vows on the strength of determination and it works. Then as time goes on, you actually realise that you have to do more than you were doing before to maintain these vows. When we are advancing we think we have to do less, but no, we actually have to do more to maintain these vows with time. That's the interesting part and one has to put more and more into place.

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The power of bhakti

(Kadamba Kanana Maharaja, Dec 2011, Cape Town, SA) Karma can never overcome bhakti. There is no question that karma, at any point, can overcome bhakti. Bhakti is always more powerful than karma and no matter what can happen, bhakti can rise above.

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Venus and Mars again

Kadamba Kanana Swami
(22 December 2011, Cape Town, South Africa)

Srimad Bhagavatam 7.14.3-4

Affection and relationships should be there in our life. But of course, they shouldn't lead to illicit sex. That is the bottom line. As you know, accidents do happen. That is the nature of the senses and the mind, that where there is attachment to such sense gratification, somehow or other, when men and women come together… you just don't know how it happened! Somehow or other, it happened… and everybody could see it coming and could understand it's going to happen if you go on like this… because that natural attraction is there.

Srimad Bhagavatam has the butter and fire analogy where men are butter and women are fire. And when the butter comes near the fire, it melts… it always melts! Bramacharis are basically trying to keep the butter in the fridge so that it doesn't melt quickly so they have a whole fridge system there within their saffron cloth and bramachari practises.

Ladies in spiritual life are covering the fire. That's why they cover their heads and wear sarees which cover the body more than modern clothing. So they are trying to cover the fire.

We are not trying to blame anybody, like throw the blame on the women that they are mayadevis. The poor men are the victims and those women are nothing but trouble makers. That is a somewhat biased and wrong understanding of what the Vedic literatures are saying. However, the illusory power of the female body is very strong undoubtedly. They have this power of attraction more than males. Although males may be attractive still the male body is not as charming as the female body.

In spiritual life, we recognise that the beauty of a female body has a danger connected to it. A danger to entangle spirit souls, both men and women. The women themselves are also falling victim to their own beauty… it gives a certain power and it's kind of addictive and difficult to stop it. So devotees realise this and therefore keep a certain amount of reservation.

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Looking for recognition

(Kadamba Kanana Maharaja, 29 December 2011, Munich, Germany) As long as one has a desire for recognition that means we want to be glorified and then we cannot glorify Krsna. Then we cannot chant for very long; we chant for a short time and then we are waiting to finish these rounds. But the less we are looking for recognition for ourselves, the more we can chant and the more we can glorify Krsna. That's why in the third verse of the siksastakam, these two points are connected: one must be more humble than a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree and one must be ready to offer all respects to others. Then one can chant the holy name constantly, kirtaniyah sada harih. So this is a great enemy in spiritual life- recognition. Somehow or other we have to break the false pride in our material attributes.

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A conclusion on marriage

Kadamba Kanana Swami

(Srimad Bhagavatam 7.14.1, 20 December 2011, Cape Town, South Africa)

Question:

In the purport (SB 7.14.1), Prabhupada first explained the bramachari, vanaprasta and sannyasa ashrams and then at last he said, grhasta ashram for those who are so attached to sex life. So it sounds like the only reason to go to grhasta ashram is lust. Is that what it is?

Answer:

Well, generally speaking it is. But sometimes, even self-realised souls came to the grhasta ahram to fulfil a purpose of the Lord, that also happens. Srinivasa Archarya, for example, had two wives but he was fully self-realised; he was seeing the spiritual world. That was an arrangement of the Supreme Lord. But for most of us, well you know…

The thing is this, you are perfectly happy all by yourself and then suddenly some sex desire begins to arise and then one comes to desire to have a relationship with someone. But some people may say that's not all there is to it, there is also companionship. Alright, I agree with that – companionship is important. We cannot just be alone in this world, we need to have other people but I think marriage, and I say that after 24 years of having tried it, that marriage is an unnatural arrangement!

I'll explain why. I think that to give someone else so much right to just infringe on your privacy is too much. See, if you are not married to someone, you can nicely and politely say: Thank you very much. I need a little time for myself.

But you can't say that to your wife… I mean, you can say it but my God, see what's coming next!

You never spend any time with me… you have no interest in me whatsoever… you completely cold and uninterested… always pre-occupied with other things!

And you are thinking: I just want to finish my rounds.

So it doesn't allow you this privacy that you naturally need. It's very intense. So it's an unnatural arrangement, this infringement on privacy. As far as companionship is concerned, I think there is a need for that but I wouldn't recommend marriage as the solution for that.

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Letting go!

(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 30th Dec 2011, Munich, Germany) Lecture: Caitanya-caritāmṛta Adi 9-48

There is a story about a beggar. Once this beggar who was somewhere in India, was hungry and decided to go to the temple, because there are always pilgrims and someone might give him something to eat. But he felt extremely weak and hungry that day! So when he was in the temple, he started leaning against a pillar. At one point he just wrapped his arms around this pillar, and was hanging onto it. One man who came in, saw the beggar and thought:

"It looks like this beggar is in a very bad way!"

So he said to the beggar:

"I have something for you!"

In his bag he had some puffed rice. The beggar who was holding onto the column, said:

"Just put it in my hands."

So he had puffed rice in his hands. So how was he going to eat it? He can't get it from around the column, and to drop it on the ground will only make it dirty. He couldn't eat it because he was holding onto the pillar with his arms.

So in a same way if we hold on to so many material things (and have that pillar in our arms) then how can we relish the taste of bhakti? We cannot get to it. So if we let go of the pillar, then very quickly…..so we have to let go!

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By HH.Radhanath Swami

When I was about eight years old my parents were considering divorce. I remember my mother putting mascara on in front of a mirror and I was sitting on her bed watching her. I thought it was a very strange thing, women putting on mascara, so I was watching. And my mother said to me very seriously, "everyone likes your father and everyone likes me, but we no longer like each other, so we are going to separate". I cried, it was very painful, just the thought of it. Some hours later my father came home from work and I knew my mother was going to discuss this with him. He went in the bedroom and they closed the door. I was so disturbed that I secretly put my ear against the door to hear what they were saying.

My mother told my father how much I had been crying, and I heard them both say that for the rest of their lives they would stay together because this is what was best for the children. They never separated. As the years passed, I can honestly say, I never saw any two people that loved each other so much. Their love was very deep. It wasn't about romance, because romance, you know it comes and goes. It wasn't just about personality, or having complimentary views on things. It was about heart to heart, sensible responsibility to each other for a higher principle. Because they chose to go through those difficulties together for the higher principle of their love for their children, I feel God awarded them with deep affection and love for each other.

Beside the higher principle of children is the principle of God, the principle of our vows before the Lord to help each other to become pure, to become enlightened within our lives. That higher principle is why traditionally, marriages of all different cultures involve taking vows in a spiritual place - so that the union is consecrated as a partnership in the service of the Divine. What is a diamond? A diamond is the queen of all jewels. But a diamond is nothing but a piece of coal that's been under pressure for millions of years. Gold, the king of metals, is purified when it is put in fire. This is mother nature speaking to us. This is wisdom - that by faithfully passing through the good times and the bad times - the easy times and the hard with each other, and for each other, for this higher value - then marriage has the potential to make us spiritually perfect. It will do that if we just understand the yoga of marriage.

From a spiritual perspective one should feel that their partner is something more than just my husband or my wife. A husband should feel towards his wife that this is the daughter of God - this is God's deeply beloved daughter that has been entrusted in my care. How you treat her is how God will receive you. How you speak to her, how you act toward her, how you protect her are all important. Protection is said to be on three levels - physical, emotional and spiritual. To give that protection, to be forgiving to each other and to honor your spouse as God's property, God's gift, is how you will make spiritual progress. And a wife should feel that her partner is not just her husband but he is God's beloved child entrusted in her care to protect, to be faithful to, and to encourage. If you see each other in this light, marriage really is yoga. Your relationship will be yoga in essence and you will make great spiritual progress.

Feelings of affection may come and go but the foundation of a healthy relationship is respect. Respect for each other and care for each other. Through respect and care affection can grow into deep love on the level of the soul. Physically we care for each other by providing the basic necessities of life. Depending on the particular nature of your occupation and relationship one must provide housing, clothing, health care and other physical needs. But emotional care is very essential. Lack of emotional care can really send a marriage off track. Everyone needs appreciation and everyone needs encouragement. So many ladies come to me and say "my husband just doesn't care about me - he doesn't like anything I do". When I go to the husband, I ask "do you care about her?" And he will say "yes, of course". I'll ask, "do you like what she does"? "Yes I love what she does". "Do ever tell her"? And he will say, "why should I tell her, she should know". Communication is so important. Sometimes in a marriage we communicate with everybody except the person we are living with. Communication - honest communication where we really do express our appreciation for each other, express our affection for each other, and express it in such a way that we encourage each other is very critical for a healthy relationship.

Marriage shouldn't be just something that we are tolerating somehow or other because we took vows. It should be something very dynamic, very flowing and very real. It should be and very connected to the Divine, so that the struggles are not just depressing - the struggles are spiritual challenges that we have to meet together and every time we overcome those challenges we come to a higher spiritual platform. By following marriage in this way it becomes a path of perfection.