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A conclusion on marriage

Kadamba Kanana Swami

(Srimad Bhagavatam 7.14.1, 20 December 2011, Cape Town, South Africa)

Question:

In the purport (SB 7.14.1), Prabhupada first explained the bramachari, vanaprasta and sannyasa ashrams and then at last he said, grhasta ashram for those who are so attached to sex life. So it sounds like the only reason to go to grhasta ashram is lust. Is that what it is?

Answer:

Well, generally speaking it is. But sometimes, even self-realised souls came to the grhasta ahram to fulfil a purpose of the Lord, that also happens. Srinivasa Archarya, for example, had two wives but he was fully self-realised; he was seeing the spiritual world. That was an arrangement of the Supreme Lord. But for most of us, well you know…

The thing is this, you are perfectly happy all by yourself and then suddenly some sex desire begins to arise and then one comes to desire to have a relationship with someone. But some people may say that's not all there is to it, there is also companionship. Alright, I agree with that – companionship is important. We cannot just be alone in this world, we need to have other people but I think marriage, and I say that after 24 years of having tried it, that marriage is an unnatural arrangement!

I'll explain why. I think that to give someone else so much right to just infringe on your privacy is too much. See, if you are not married to someone, you can nicely and politely say: Thank you very much. I need a little time for myself.

But you can't say that to your wife… I mean, you can say it but my God, see what's coming next!

You never spend any time with me… you have no interest in me whatsoever… you completely cold and uninterested… always pre-occupied with other things!

And you are thinking: I just want to finish my rounds.

So it doesn't allow you this privacy that you naturally need. It's very intense. So it's an unnatural arrangement, this infringement on privacy. As far as companionship is concerned, I think there is a need for that but I wouldn't recommend marriage as the solution for that.

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Letting go!

(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 30th Dec 2011, Munich, Germany) Lecture: Caitanya-caritāmṛta Adi 9-48

There is a story about a beggar. Once this beggar who was somewhere in India, was hungry and decided to go to the temple, because there are always pilgrims and someone might give him something to eat. But he felt extremely weak and hungry that day! So when he was in the temple, he started leaning against a pillar. At one point he just wrapped his arms around this pillar, and was hanging onto it. One man who came in, saw the beggar and thought:

"It looks like this beggar is in a very bad way!"

So he said to the beggar:

"I have something for you!"

In his bag he had some puffed rice. The beggar who was holding onto the column, said:

"Just put it in my hands."

So he had puffed rice in his hands. So how was he going to eat it? He can't get it from around the column, and to drop it on the ground will only make it dirty. He couldn't eat it because he was holding onto the pillar with his arms.

So in a same way if we hold on to so many material things (and have that pillar in our arms) then how can we relish the taste of bhakti? We cannot get to it. So if we let go of the pillar, then very quickly…..so we have to let go!

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