Desperate-Must read!!

Posted by dinesh

HH. Satsvarupa das Goswami: Desperate

1.

I keep chasing Krishna, but
I don't catch Him because
I'm too slow and He's too
fast.

Besides, I'm not determined
and sincere. I'm a kind of
hypocrite. You can't catch
Krishna unless you love Him and
follow your guru.

If you catch His lotus feet
you're home safe, and you
don't have to return to this material world.

But it is impossible to catch Him.
Even mother Yasoda couldn't
catch Him or she at least
couldn't tie Him up because
He did not want her to. He
wanted to show her, "Unless
I allow you, you cannot tie
me." When He saw she was
perspiring and all worn out with
effort He acquiesced, and out of
love He allowed her to tie Him.

But He won't let you catch
Him if you are less than
a hundred percent sincere and true.
A lazy so-called bhakta
can never attain
Krishna's lotus feet.

Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati
scorched the pseudo bhaktas
and smarta-brahmanas, and said
they were just phonies
and would go to hell.
He minced no words.

He saw through them falsely.
He sees through my own
insincerity. I claim
to be a poet of Krishna poems
but I can't write them
in the spirit of the
previous acaryas.

Krishna is too fast for a slow
boy who trips over his own feet
and is insincere. He can only
be reached by the pure servitors
who delight in working hard for
Him and who want to spread
His message around the world.

The nirjana-bhajananandis sit back
and do nothing, and they can never
please Krishna because He sees
they are interested in sense gratification
and fame and don't have the
real drive to please Him.

I'm saying all this, and I know
it's true of me. But I have some
good in me too. It's been put
there by Prabhupada. And I have
been using it in his service. But
if I don't use it truly
I'll loose it and all will be in
vain.

All the good he did for me will
wither away, and I'll be left
with nothing. I have to reform
and get back on the track.

He knows my actual heart
and knows when I'm
being phony and sees
a little good too and
can distinguish.

Lord, how can I be-
come a better bhakta?
Will You give me a hand?
I have misused my plans
and have failed to work
hard for You. I don't
know what to say.
Can my past good work
be counted in my favor now?
Can I make up for current
failures? Am I
overdoing this
self bashing? Will You show me
the true way and calm me down?
I am too exited
and ill and lost in the dark.

Now let's take it slower.
You can treat me kindly
with a tune like "Green
Sleeves" quietly and gently
and yet not get me so riled
up. I need to settle down
and find a temper with peace. This is a different
mood than I've been expressing
in this crazy poem. I had to find a kinder path, a
saner wisdom. Will You
slow me down and give me
less headaches? Will You allow me to give
lectures without getting too
nervous? Will You ease the traumas? I want
to be a peaceful man. Is it possible You will give
me drops of peace like
dew drops on a summer night
instead of this wind lashing?