(Kadamba Kanana Swami, June 2011, Stockholm, Sweden, Lecture)

I think that the only thing that can really bond us together is friendship. Just common acceptance of Krsna as the Supreme Lord will bring us together from time to time – we will come together at the temple and festivals – but friendship will take us so much further. Because it is in friendship, real friendship, that we are going to stimulate each other so much more than by just being colleagues!

I have often given this example of how we can be together like colleagues. We are all devotees of Krsna and we are all colleagues. We are all devotees in the same temple, we are all colleagues. We are all chanting Hare Krsna, we are all colleagues. We are all dancing in the kirtan party as colleagues. But when there is no friendship, it is not enough.

If there is friendship, then friendship is different. Friendship is like a family spirit. When your colleague is not performing well, it disturbs your work, and you say, “Get it together! You know, they’ll throw you out of here one of these days if you don’t get it together.”

That is what you say to a colleague but to a family member, you say, “When in the world are you ever going to get it together? But we can’t throw you out because you’re part of the family.”

That is different. That is friendship and in that friendship there is trust. We know we are going to be accepted. We don’t have to have a masquerade where everyone acts out to be a pure devotee in a Hare Krsna community. We can just be more honest. If there is friendship, we can just be who we are and still be accepted. In that way, we can get some real human support which is what we need!

(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 11 April 2014, Cape Town, South Africa, Lecture at House Program)

In a small temple, with predominately congregational devotees – that means devotees who are maintaining a life outside the temple and who have limited time and energy – I think we should appreciate the time spent together and maintain relationships. Because especially in a congregational gathering, more than ever, we need friendship. You know, it is like if you have a little military army living in a temple and all are on a mission. Even if there is no such friendship, still all are together in the same mission. But when you do not have that kind of driving energy then the only reason to come together is for friendship. So that is a big challenge but I think that is the key.

Like, we are here tonight, at somebody’s house and that is very nice, that is how it should be. If devotees have not been in your house for a while then you must start thinking about it and arrange for them to come. Even if your house is small, it does not matter – squeeze in somehow or other – because bonding is important. So we need to stay close and in an congregational setting, friendship is a big element, if you want to be with people. If you do not really want to be with them then you are not going to be with them. In the temple, whether you want to be together or not, you have to be for mangala aarti. But in a congregation, if you do not want to be together then why would you be? You only go to programs that you want to.

In friendship, you have to conquer people, do something to win them over. You have to do something that touches their heart, and then we have real friendships. Friendship can never be taken for granted and it is not cheap, but that is what we need. I guess, you can say big things about friendship but you can also make it very simple. In one way, a very simple approach is to not give each other a hard time – sort of, make it easy for each other and it counts for everybody, even at home! You know, friendship begins at home, if we just sort of try and make it easy for each other, that would help.

Devotee: Maharaj, does that not defeat the high thinking society ideal?

It depends on what you call easy. I did not mean that we should lose the purity but we should accommodate each other a lot and be sensitive to each other’s needs, that is what I meant. Making it easy for each other means that we should think of everybody’s needs, and not just of our own, then that creates friendship. So we try to think of the needs of others.

(Kadamba Kanana Swami Govinda Valley, Austrailia, 2011) Lecture – S.B.3.25.27

When a community makes a commitment, that's when the community can support each other in that way, and that is needed. It doesn't matter what shape that community exists but that is one function of sadhu sanga. We often think that the association of devotees is meant for inspiration. It's like:

"I need devotee's association to feel inspired and whenever I am with the devotees then I am so inspired".

But we see in the Caitanya-caritāmṛta, where a situation occurring, where Vallabhacharya came to visit Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, and was Vallabhacharya proud of his learning (he was a great scholar) and said that he had written a commentary on Srimad Bhagavatam. He mentioned that he was not in agreement with Śrīdhara Svāmī who was the original Bhagavatam commentator. So Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu had no appreciation for that, because he had Śrīdhara Svāmī at a highest regard. Threfore, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu did not want to hear the commentary of. Vallabhacharya. So when Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu didn't want to hear, then no body wanted to hear – not a single devotee was ready to hear and Vallabhacharya would go around saying:

"Please, listen to my commentary, since you will find it very interesting".

"No, sorry……I have no time….I really have to go".

Everybody would make excuses and some said:

"No way!"

And some were blunt, but one devotee was very soft by nature, namely Gadādhara. Gadādhara was one of these soft natured person and Vallabhacharya had just cornered him and overpowered him with his energy by saying:

"You will hear my commentary".

Gadādhara said:

"No, please!"

" Yes! You will!"

And he took his right hand and started reading to Gadādhara who was thinking:

"Oh, my god what will happen now? Lord Caitanya will surely understand, because he knows my heart and that I don't want to hear it. But the devotees will never tolerate that I heard the commentary, because they are not so tolerant".

So that particular passage is interesting because that shows another aspect of devotee association, and shows the intolerance of the devotees. Or what is sometimes referred to as peer pressure….or you could say something like the village mentality. Now we are living in the village and if you act different in the village then the whole village is down on you! So everyone is living in fear of the villagers.

So the devotee community is something like that…it's like living in a village, and we are a bit worried about being seen by the neighbours because they know that you're going to cop it. Those dynamics are actually healthy – we need a bit of that…..we need a bit of the vigilant eye of the vaisnavas, so to keep us from becoming degraded, since the tendency to glide down is very strong…..very strong!

So it’s not that a devotee is alone with Krishna, but rather the devotee becomes very close and intimate with the vaisnavas, much more so than generally is the case in the material relationships that exists in this world, where everyone has his privacy, where everyone has his fence, where everyone has his privacy circles, his limits, his borders and ‘Sorry, I don’t know you, so you cannot talk to me’ kind of mood. Book distributors – they ignore that; they step right through these privacy lines. The people are shocked, “This can’t be happening! This is not possible!”  It shocks them. Among the vaisnavas we see that relationships are meant to be of a different nature; they are meant to be close and intimate, but may not be so in our present spiritual Movement because we are not prema bhaktas. But if we could be, if we would be devotees on the level of prema, then really such open, positive, non-envious exchange could be there.

Now in our present state we are associating in the material world and we are all at different levels of advancement. Srila Prabhupada sometimes said that our movement ISKCON is like a hospital and actually all are patients – some are in a better condition than the others and they are helping the others, but somehow or other it is a hospital full of patients where patients help patients, because devotees at different levels of advancement may help. Of course nitya-siddha devotees are of a different nature, or sadhana-siddha. Those who are siddha-bhakta devotees, who are fully at the platform of perfection, alright, they may not be considered as patients but otherwise patients are helping patients and therefore we can not expect our relationships to be completely fully developed. So we should not be disappointed when the relationships amongst vaisnavas are not one of real complete love and trust. When we see in our Movement not yet that full love and trust is realized, then we should not think it is just because we have socially failed. Rather it is that simply the spiritual world has not fully manifested amongst us.

(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 21 December 2010, Cape Town, South Africa, Lecture at house program)

The family of vaisnavas is somehow or other our support. Prabhupada made this movement a very personal one. In the beginning, we overlook how important relationships are because we are not used to it. In the material world, when a relationship does not work, you just cut it off and try another one… then another one and another one.

Now I’m not talking just about friendships. So many friends came and went in our lives in the material world but spiritual relationships are very different. Spiritual friendships are different because devotees are very rare. Therefore, devotees are precious and the relationship with the devotee is precious and once broken it is difficult to repair; not like a broken pot that can be glued back together.

Therefore with devotees we cannot just afford the mentality that if it does not work, get rid of this one and get another one! Because the day will come when we will need all the devotees. The day will come when we will very much depend on devotees because the vaisnavas are sustaining us in our spiritual life and without them it becomes so difficult. The day will come when all artificial behavior in our relationships will have to go because that cannot sustain us and time will test us. As they say, “It all comes out in the wash!” It means that sooner or later, it has to get real.

In the beginning, maybe one can have a Shakespearean performance of Krsna consciousness but at one point we need genuine relationships and genuine friendships. This is very important therefore we must be very careful to make sure we avoid unpleasant exchanges between devotees even for the sake of service. Sometimes, it may be necessary that a devotee is not doing it proper and you have to straighten him out.

We sometimes have to chastise but it is an unfortunate thing to do because in the course of it we may break a relationship. That is just one thought that comes to my mind: friendship between vaisnavas. Friendship is not just by declaration, not just Facebook friends or face-value friends, friendship means more.